Updated: Jan 25, 2022
I decided to start this blog, for a couple of reasons. First, I know that writing is the best way for me to sort through the thousands of thoughts, feelings, and emotions swarming around in my head. Second, I feel like maybe my journey can help someone else out there as they embark on their own. So, WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why am I not writing regularly? Trust me, I'm still putting in the work here, just not documenting it the way I want to.
So what IS the hangup? There are a few key factors, and bear with me while I process through the keyboard. This may come out jumbled, but...well, I guess that leads me into the first "problem" I keep facing.
Perfectionism. This ugly word has been the root of so many issues in my life. There is definitely a lot I'm going to have to unpack on this in the coming weeks, but for now, I guess just recognizing it is a good start.
Fear. I have kept so much inside for many years, and every passing day I feel like I add more into my safe little box. There's a fear of letting people in. If others knew how I felt about things - if they knew the real me - would I be rejected? Would I look like a fool? Or worst of all, would I hurt others?
Secrets. I'm so torn about the best way to get my story out there. If I ever want it to make a difference for anyone else, first, I have to be real. I have to be authentic. How can I do that right now? It feels safer to write under a pseudonym, at least for now. But then I get caught up in how to still share my heart without actually being ME. Ugh. Definitely going to have to figure this one out.
Disorganization. No explanation necessary, and one of the biggest things I'm working on. I have too many hopes and dreams, and this is getting in the way!
So what am I going to do? I'm going to just power through! Daily posts. That's what I need. Even if they are short and sweet (or sour), I'm committing to this. Will I miss some days? Possibly, but I'm sure as hell going to make this a priority. I'm going to make ME a priority.