Updated: Jan 25
I made an investment in myself and began working with a health and fitness coach. I know not everyone has this luxury, and that I am truly blessed to have this opportunity. I love that it's not just about workouts and food, but a chance to dig deep into the emotional and mental health as well, because really, isn't that the root of our physical health?!
I know how badly I need accountability; somebody who will tell me as they see it, call me out when I need it, and be a firm voice when I can't be that for myself. This is going to be life-changing for me, and the timing is perfect.
But here's the problem - I'm stuck already. Our first call was yesterday. I am already behind on my "homework." In the past, I would be beating myself up, letting the voice of failure take over. Not this time. I won't do it. I'm going to power through and jump back in.
The problem? My 5-Year Vision. What on earth is my 5-Year Vision?!
This is where it gets messy. Do I picture myself still married in 5 years? Will we have somehow managed to become what we both want and need? Will I finally be honest? Will he understand how unhappy I have been for all these years and the role he played in that? Will we forgive each other for all the past hurts and disappointments?
Even if the answer to every one of those questions is "yes," is it even what I actually want? What do I want? What is my 5-Year Vision?
Breathe. Just breathe.
Here we go...
Five years from now, I will wake up each morning and kickstart my day with a cup of coffee. Just one, because I won't feel like I need multiple cups to provide my body with energy. I will go for a run or gift my body with some form of exercise, and gift my mind with growth. There will be no more daily anti-anxiety medication needed, because my spirit is happy, and my body is strong.
The routine for my children will offer peace and stability, helping set them up for success in school and prepare them for adult life. The calm in our home will be beautiful. It will help nurture their minds and spirits, and allow for deep relationship with each other, with me, and with all those who they encounter each day. Their lights will shine bright, and love will radiate from them. Just as it will from me.
I want to know that every day I have made a difference in someone's life. It may be through writing. It may be through coaching or teaching. There is so much hurt in this world, and I know somehow, someway, I can help. There is still much soul searching that will have to happen to know how, but I will continue to move in that direction.
I want to see the world. I want to travel everywhere! I want to meet people in all walks of life, in all cultures. And I don't want to do it alone.
I want to feel loved. I want to feel adored and desired. Not just physically, but in the deepest, most intimate way. I want to be pursued, valued, admired and respected. And I want to feel that way about someone.
5-Year Vision. I guess today, that's what it looks like. Maybe tomorrow there will be more to add. Maybe a year from now I will have a more realistic idea of some of the details. But isn't that the beauty of a 5-Year Vision? Every day, the "five years down the road" is new. Every day is new. And I'm ready to take on each day. I'm not waiting five years and hoping I've reached these goals. I'm starting each day, each hour, each moment fresh. Moving constantly towards these goals. This is worth working towards. Worth fighting for. I am worth fighting for.